Lessons Learned in 2015
Sin
Functioning Crazy People
All those rumors I hear about people who know people who “do it for the ‘gram” but are secretly maladjusted, just has never been something I’ve witnessed in real life. No really. I’ve heard this of course from some of my social media-hating friends but I’d never actually met those people in real life. Until I found a few of those folks in my personal offline social circle. I learned that you could be amazing and be in shambles. You can be like, extraordinarily gifted and dope and self-destructive. This year was the first year of my life that I had to actually deal with people that even I thought were “fine” but were far from it. It took some adjusting and I had to make some decisions on whom I’d be there for and whom I wouldn’t.
Things Don’t Need to Be Figured Out
In 2015, I had very particular instances that reminded me that people and things don’t need to be figured out by me and I should make conscious decisions to either stick through the learning phase or dash. Life will go one without me knowing the exact next step and that’s actually ok. So in 2015, I stayed a few places I didn’t think I would because I didn't have it all figured out.
Friendships
I’ve said it a million times, I have incredible friends. Very thoughtful, warm, passionate, and intelligent people. I live in a friend bubble. In 2015 though, I learned a few lessons I’d thought I’d known already about adult friendships. I learned that you can have complete respect and love for people, and they still can kinda believe you don’t. And you can continue to have admiration for them and not talk to them again. And that’s ok.
Blackness doesn’t have to be sacared
I used to feel full when I hung around a lot of Black people (and still do). I’d go to Harlem, spend the day just walking around, eating soul food, shopping at Schomburg, feeling very affirmed. Outside of that weekend moment, I always felt my Blackness was slipping away from me as if I had to perform some neutralized actions in white spaces. Like not speak in slang unless I was intentionally breaking character in the workplace. Like not talking about racism, blackness, as much as I was actually thinking about it. Reserving a day or two, or even an evening to be comfortably Black no longer worked enough for me. I stopped saying I wasn’t watching ratchet reality tv, when I was. I stopped saying I didn’t catch the news, when I could barely function because a new Black person was shot by a police officer. I stopped only whispering to Black colleagues about issues of white supremacy faced daily in different spaces, on trains, and in hallways. I stopped holding it all in only to be released amongst my Black girlfriends. I stopped trying to suspend my Blackness to make others uncomfortable. And it hasn’t been easy but I feel so much better for it.
The Unfollow Button on Facebook
Who invented this and why? This is amazing! I don’t have to deal with the guilt of unfriending my family members but I don’t have to be subject to all their crazy news stories from unreliable sources and rants about child abuse. Thank you Facebook fairy!
What are some lessons you learned in 2015?